We were searching through the old family
videos of us,
searching for an image of you, your voice,
your old humor.
We found one,
it was Christmas Eve in Miami,
with everyone
opening gifts, just after
our big feast.
We were all in good
spirits,
everyone wanted a chance
at the camera,
except for you.
You were just happy
in the moment
of the family being whole again,
you didn’t need to immortalize it,
because you knew it’d always
stay with you anyway.
I kept asking you if you
wanted to say something,
and as I was watching the video,
that’s what I was pleading,
say something.
But instead, my younger
child self,
stomps over your attempts,
and talks over you.
What playful joke,
wise words,
or loving expression,
forever lost
because of my thoughtlessness.
How many times must I have
heedlessly stomped on
your messages to me
both then and now?